When Mary suddenly and tragically made her way to the heavenly garden that was her reward for being a saint among saints, I lost and was lost. From our first meeting, years before I married her daughter, we shared a kinship of laughter, love, and literary examination. To have a mother-in-law that I cherished and who in turn cherished me was a rare blessing – an unexpected wildcard to complement the two aces that raised me. I miss her every day, that irreplaceable soul.
In the ebbs and flows that make up a life, even in the lee of my devastation, I was bolstered by not only my own blood relatives, but the incredible augmented family that is my great joy and providence.
Two generations prior to me, when Grandma and Paule became fast friends, they initiated a bond between their two families that was so tightknit that I was not aware that the Gillots were not my actual kin until my teenage years. In Belgium lives an entire set of pseudo-relatives whose influences were and are intensely formative: Jean a third grandfather who looms larger than life, Paule an ersatz grandmother with a quiet force echoing Elise, Pierre the charming and supportive almost-uncle, his kids Goran, Gaelle, and Maude my ultra-cool, worldly, sort-of cousins.
My brother Dane has always been my closest confederate and thus it is little wonder that the love of his life is also a critical part of my existence. Sarah actually reminds me quite a bit of Mary – intensely kind, incredibly patient, super wise, an amazing caregiver, and undoubtedly strong. When she came into my life as Dane’s girlfriend and then wife, I gained a sister, no “in-law” necessary, and in turn they begat Elise and Jones, the two little tow-headed nuggets of whom I am so proud and whose squeals of laughter light up my life.
As a staggering bonus, I also inherited an entire set of “in-laws in law” – Sarah’s family, the Bleis. From the get-go and especially now after all these years spent together, it was and is obvious from where Sarah derives her essential character. Mike and Liz are simultaneously very chill and insanely dialed, soft-spoken but powerful, always lovely and loving. They have taken me on as one of their own, my actual familial remove notwithstanding, and in turn I consider them an extra set of parents. I know that they would do anything for Violet or for me – and they have, many times over.
Mike and Liz, even in the mayhem of their respective careers, raised four of the most awesome kids you could possibly imagine, imbued with the loftiest values. Matt, the oldest after Sarah, exudes warmth, intelligence, humility, and drive. Peter…well, let’s just say that it is good that we didn’t know each other when we were both younger, we might be locked in a cell together somewhere. But, we have each grown up and it’s inspiring to see that his unflappable affability remains untouched, that even as he ascends in his career, he continues to bring good vibes to all he meets. Terrell is whip-smart and thoughtful, calm and peaceful, but also an accomplished mountain woman and adventurer, the kind of person with whom you can share a conversation or silence and be equally happy.
That core has expanded to include their respective spouses, all of whom have added an even further and unique dimension to my extended in-law universe. Anna, Cassie, and Zane (yes, there is a Dane and a Zane in this mix) are mesmerizing and welcoming characters with their own gifts and they and even their own families have rounded out the crew in the most overwhelmingly heartwarming way.
The Voboril and Blei clans have intermingled on many occasions – for Thanksgiving and Christmas, for weddings, for a cruise, for sporting events, for life milestones, and sometimes just for the joy of being together. And the Blei family continues to grow as we now have three of the sweetest little girls on whom to lavish attention. At Terrell’s wedding this spring, I realized that Bailey was wearing the same dress that had been Violet’s and which she had then passed to Elise, the kind of lineage that makes me cry happy tears.
I am incredibly fortunate to have the inseparable foursome of my immediate family. Just to experience that level of love is more than most could even fathom. That I am also a part of the interfamilial Voboril-Gillot-Blei cosmos is a bedrock that forms the core of my being and a comfort on which I readily and necessarily rely.